Getting Past Hangups

For this particular entry, I will be going in a slightly different direction. Or maybe it is more of a revelation into things unseen from me. You see, there are some activities that I do that I haven't talked about directly, although some have been alluded to in various writings here.

In my opening entry for this blog, I said there were a lot of things that I would be writing about: Entertainment, finances, and fitness. And "getting over any remaining sexual hangups" that I felt I had. So just as I have been diligently working on getting fit, bicycling, weights and all, I have also been working on sex.

Go back a few years and you would find that I wouldn't even think about having sex with someone unless we had dated for awhile. Since dates were few and far between, actually getting laid was about as rare as a santorum in Saudi Arabia! Add in that I wasn't getting out and being social much and it was looking like a complete dead end.

So that's when I decided to make some major changes. I had already undergone Lasik, and that helped, upgraded a bit in work clothes and paid off all the remaining bills. The BIG change came from stopping smoking and getting fit. The beef that I put on from that gave me the courage to get out to more social events and meet people.

The problem with going to the social events is that I am still mostly introverted and quiet. I'm taking that problem as a 2 pronged approach to overcoming. The first is getting out to more social events and meeting strangers. The second is one-on-one with people, especially in a sexual way.

My first (and last) experience with one-on-one was through the more "classic" routes that frustrated men engage in. It was an experience, but one that I am not going to repeat any time soon. It was, how shall we say, utterly useless!

MyThis is where Gay.com comes in. I had written earlier about the "talking chests" that I had experienced. That picture actually turned out to be a turning point during chat. I had other pictures up prior to that, but they sucked. After posting that picture I started getting hit up by some of the very men I was really interested in meeting.

I've had a couple of interesting encounters and expect to have more. The worst had to have been the gym bunny. Not the worst in sex, just the least satisfying. I think part of that came from his most likely being on Viagra or other similar drug (instead of a real aphrodisiac). Near the top came the guy who smoked a lot. I enjoyed that day quite a bit, except that when I got home I had to shower to get rid of the smoke smell.

And that brings me to finding out that almost everyone has hangups. Some of those can be funny as hell! For instance, there was one guy, 31 years old at Gay.com that had been hitting on me most every weekend for over a month. We would chat a bit, but in the end I just wasn't all that interested in him. Then one day I figured sure, why not. He seemed nice enough and it could be fun.

That's when his hangups became clearer the longer we chatted. He had said he wanted to get together because, in his own words, he "really needed to be fucked." That sounded clear enough to me, and as it turns out, he meant exactly that.

Except....

It had to be in the dark. (This was daytime, so there goes my bedroom with the bay window opened to the woods!). In the bed. Under the sheets. On our sides. On our left sides! He was concerned that his balls weren't shaved and was that okay? Huh?!?! But he explained that I didn't have to suck him. That's a relief, I suppose?!? And he want to know if I had a lot of pre-cum. What?!? It seems he doesn't like that. Good Grief!

Interspersed with all of those details was that he was nervous and didn't want to. I said okay not tonight then, and he was right back with needing to get fucked. He always used "needed". That whole not today, yes, no, yes, no got real grating. He asked if I was "very aggressive?" By that time I'm thinking "boy, you've got me so ticked by now that I might hurt you in my aggression!"

But I knew long before then that nothing was going to happen. That was just too many rules and hangups to have to deal with.

I know I have a few hangups, but nothing that would make me that dysfunctional. Or at least none now that I am out actively seeking out both friends and copulation, and hoping the two come together some day!

Bicycle Routes

Y'know, I am having a blast with my new bike. Especially discovering things that are just around the corner from me that I either had no idea about, or thought it were a lot farther away.

I always knew I was fairly close to town, using back roads. But it is only 15 minutes by bike, and that is if I take my time. I also found that there is a much closer recycling center, albeit in a different county.

That seems to be my biggest surprise, the counties that I am hitting. On Saturday, I did the eastern loop pictured here, and went through 3 counties: Wake, Franklin and Nash. Sunday was only 2 in the western loop, Franklin and Wake.

I've found that the Wrenns Farm is only 20 minutes, the gas station I always considered too far and the wrong direction isn't really all that far, and that my little town has a country club!

Of course, what bike ride through the country would be complete without the obligatory dog that chases you? I found mine on the western loop, between miles 8 & 9. Luckily I was already in high gear going downhill when I came across him, but I think I broke my own land speed record!

The map picture comes courtesy of GMaps Pedometer. This is a nice tool for mapping out distances and routes. I originally used it to calculate walking miles, and also calories burned. But it comes in very handy in printing out the maps I carry when biking. This graphic was a gimp together of 2 routes, the western loop, and the eastern. Great mapping tool!

PlanetOut Running Out

It would appear that PlanetOut, the owner of many well known gay publications and businesses, is slated to run out of cash later this year:

The San Francisco owner of Gay.com, along with the Advocate and Out magazines, disclosed this week that it will run out of money before the end of the year without an infusion of cash.

The company, which debuted in a 2004 IPO, is apparently having serious problems with their travel business, specifically RSVP cruises, in addition to fewer paid personal ads and a decline in advertising revenue (in print, I would assume). According to CEO Karen Magee, it will take 2 years to conduct a turnaround. That means that if cash runs out before the loan comes due, they will need to either get a fresh capital investment from somewhere, or move into bankruptcy protection.

Although I wasn't aware previously that they were draining cash, I figured there must be something serious happening with the cruise line. Advertisements were almost every 3rd page in the Advocate, with supplementals and on several occasions a copy of another periodical, Out Traveler. Also to be found many times in the Advocate were "articles" about cruises that weren't much more than a wordy advert.

I'm hopeful that they get the chance to enact the turnaround, although the capital infusion isn't going to come from their stock, which has been tanking almost since the day they IPO'd. But I do hope they are successful, especially since I am a fairly good customer. I participate at (and pay for) gay.com, subscribe to The Advocate magazine, and am giving serious consideration on going for a cruise. (Yes, the advertising and "articles" worked on me!)

Now if they would just do something to freshen the magazine that would help them avoid collecting comments about them such as "by then the news will be so old even The Advocate will be reporting it" !

Maybe A Trevis Instead

Instead of the SmartCar, may I should get a Daihatsu Trevis instead. Well, maybe not. But the advertising sure does seem to be targeting me as a demographic. A gay man who is considering a car purchase, who also happens to like a buff guy dressed as a cowboy (or sailor or ball player)!

An article at Gaywheels.com alerts us to a new web campaign by the auto manufacturer that features those 3 fantasies shaking their booties in order to sell their car. Talk about some killer abs!

You can see these men strut their stuff here, preferably with sound turned on for the music.

(via: BoiFromTroy)

More Smart Car

Y'know, I keep coming back to the new Smart Car from DaimlerChrysler. Back in January I wrote briefly about the car, before segueing into talking about getting excited about buying a crotch rocket motorcycle. (I compromised and bought a bicycle instead!)

Today in the WSJ is an article bringing more details about the Smart Car coming to the U.S. United Auto Group is taking $99 deposits from people who want to pre-order the car for 2008. They already have 12,600 people on the waiting list, which is interesting because they only expect to sell 16,000. But then they don't actually expect all those people to really buy the car:

Mr. Pordon says the company doesn't know how many people who have given deposits will follow through and actually buy a Smart two-seater, but he expects the retention rate to be high. The company only plans to sell 16,000 Smart cars next year in three configurations -- the base "Pure" model, the upgraded "Passion" model and the "Passion" cabriolet.

After looking at the 3 models, here, I figured the Passion would be the bare entry level, since it is where A/C is introduced. In NC, you need A/C! The cabriolet might be fun, since it is a convertible.

The car will be on tour throughout the U.S. this year for those that want to take a test drive. I am definetly interested in at least looking at one. My main draw is that it is very unique in appearance. To me, almost all cars on the road look alike. The tour hits 50 cities starting on the west coast, and will be in Raleigh in September. Schedule here.

Netflix Shipment Center

Netflix has changed the emails that they send when a movie has shipped from your queue. Usually it says "For Wed: MovieName". Usually the date it expect the DVD to arrive is the next day, meaning that it is shipping from Raleigh or possibly Greensboro. Today though the email subject was "For Sat: Phoenix from Houston, TX". This is different in that it list the shipment center city.

This usually happens when a low-volume movie is being sent out. I seem to get quite a few of those, probably because I rent movies that are indies, especially gay indies. Since they are low volume, Netflix will generally only have 2-3 copies total.

Usually the email just says it will arrive on Saturday. For me it's a little game to check the return envelope to find out where it came from. I've gotten at least one DVD from Honolulu and several from west coast cities. The longest wait was for one off the west coast that arrived cracked, and another was shipped, this time from Idaho or somewhere.

So for the weekend I am getting the DVD of Phoenix. Netflix says that people like me rate it a 4.5 stars (out of 5), but it's general rating is only 2.5. I'm beginning to think Netflix is trying to stereotype me! The movie might be a surprise enjoyment, or a real dozer. We'll see!

A Possible Stock Opportunity

Recently while perusing various fitness information, I somehow ended up at Wikipedia after googling the word "anaphrodisiac." (How I got there I cannot remember, somehoe related to testosterone). From there I followed a link to aphrodisiac, curious as to what it had to say.

From there, I came across the following statement:

Bremelanotide

A new drug called Bremelanotide (formerly PT-141) seems to be the first real aphrodisiac. It stimulates sexual desire in both men and women, and clinical trials are currently testing it for the treatment of sexual arousal disorder and erectile dysfunction.

That sounded very interesting to me. Everyone has heard about Viagra and it's brethren. But the problem with those drugs is that they affect the cardiovascular system. Basically they cause an erection from a physical perspective. And although an erection can make a man feel sexy, the better course is where feeling sexy causes an erection. Or at least, that is my theory.

Or to put it into an analogy: Current drugs are like putting air into a balloon. This new drug is like putting gas into a balloon. One will fill it up and make it eassier to float, whereas the other will cause it to float, bouncing along the air currents.

What makes Bremelanotide interesting is that it affects the sexual urge, or the mental urge. That just seems more natural. Or, in other words, an actual aphrodisiac.

Since sex sells, I see an opportunity here. The first prescription aphrodisiac. It is in the testing phase now, having passed phase II and entering III any day now. The company that is developing the drug, Palatin Technologies, is trading at a ridiculously low $2. I've scarfed up a bunch of shares and plan to hold until the end of the current testing phase.

One interesting trivia about this drug is how it was discovered. They were apparently testing a sunless tanning product when they noticed that men were sporting an erection. Now there is a side effect I've never heard in the TV commercials!

My New Bicycle

This morning I finally bought something to help me with the cardio part of my exercise regimen ... a bike! And a mountain bike at that. Y'know, looking back over the last couple of months, I would have to give a theme to each. January-March was a lot of fitness and muscle gain, April was getting over-sexed (well, not over sexed), May is for shedding the last bit of belly fat and showing my six-packs in June, which will start out as a party month when I head to Orlando for Gay Days at Disney! Here is our t-shirts (I'm making a special 2nd one for me, a sleeveless muscle shirt ... I'm becoming such a slut!)

But back to the bike for now. I've been thinking about a bicycle for several months now. I have an old 10-speed road bike in the shed that someone gave me many years ago, but when I pulled it out and cleaned it up I found that it was too far gone to be useful. It wasn't even able to properly change gears.

Then last weekend at the picnic I got to talking with one of the guys who rode a bit. He kept trying to steer me to a mountain bike, but I was almost positive I wanted a hybrid, especially since most of the time it would be ridden on the road. I would occasionally take it off-road on some paths, but that wouldn't be it's primary use.

Then Friday for lunch I finally went to a bike shop and looked around. The owner was there and helped out quite a bit, explaining the pro's and con's of bike types, sizes, features, etc. But since I was in work clothes I couldn't take any for test rides.

But that is what I did this morning, and I settled on the Trek 4300 model. It is just slightly above an entry level bicycle, although it is far better than anything that can be found at the big stores such as Target. Along with the helmet and water bottle rack, I spent just over $450. I really think it was worth it.

The next stop after that was to, of all places, Target. There I picked up a heart rate monitor. This particular model has the sensor that straps to the chest and sends the information to a wristwatch type receiver.

This is cardio after all, and the idea is to get the heart pumping at a higher rate. So that is exactly what I wanted to do, exercise the heart. According to this page at the American Heart Association, I should be aiming for a heartbeat range of 88-149.

So I strap on the monitor, fill up the water bottle and hop on the bike. I head down the driveway, hang a right onto the road and just keep going until it ends. Round trip, 7.4 miles in just under an hour. I wasn't trying for speed so much as continuous steady pedaling. (For those who want a good pedometer distance map tool, I really like gmap-pedometer)

The countryside was awesome! I never go very far in that direction, and a lot of this was new country to me. It was cool cruising through and seeing all the different types of homes, and even what appears to be a huge new neighborhood complete with a newly built elementary school. (Luckily the school is miles from the my home ... no snotty noses near me, thank you very much!) People out tending yards, a cookout, there are even some horse farms.

During the ride I had originally targeted a heart rate of 130, going by AHA saying that 75% of maximum is a good goal. But the only time I ever came close to 130 was when I rested for short periods while coasting. Most of the time I was at 145-150. I really don't know if that is good or bad, but I was never out of breath. Well, I did get out of breath trying to climb a dirt hill at a construction site, but that shot the heartrate to over 165 for just a minute.

So now I have a bike, and I'm surrounded by miles of country roads to explore. And with all of my hiking I recently purchased a book on local trails: Adventure Guide to the Triangle. It contains a lot of bike trails in the area, plus road bike trails. Maybe I'll join the Out Spokin' NC folks one of these Sundays!

The Talking Chests

Lately I've been a little more active at gay.com and chat sessions. I've never really been much of one for chatting online, although I have had spells in the past.

My main picture on the site is of my chest (pictured here), with secondary pictures of me overall, including my face. It's a funny thing ... most of the guys that page me usually have a chest picture of themselves as the primary. Of course in many instances it is also the only picture, but that is another story altogether.

Last night, as I was chatting away with a beautifully built guy I realized that it was more or less a couple of "talking chests." It was as though there were no heads involved. The mental picture I conjured up caused me a big ol' grin!

It's funny, if it weren't so sad in some ways.

Sticking Smell

Okay, I guess I have finally joined the stereotype of ex-smoker and am starting to preach the non-smoking gospel. Why? Because at the moment I smell like an ashtray!

On the way into work this morning I saw I had forgotten my coffee mug. So I stopped in at a convenience store a fixed a cup. I was only in the store about 90 seconds, but after walking out I could smell the cigarette smoke in my clothes. It's the first thing, and I'm going to be stuck with it all day!

This comes after last week when I met someone and we went on a date. I spent some time in his apartment (actually, a lot of time), and even though he didn't smoke any while indoors, I still had the smell in my shirt when I got home.

I guess I am just super-sensitive to the smell. I am also coming closer to supporting the smoking ban that is making its way through the legislature here in N.C. Actually, I'm not for the ban, because I figure establishments will put their own restrictions in place over time. But after my brief foray into a store and ending up stinking, I am not as forgiving at the moment!

Am I the stereotype yet? Well, not yet and I expect I won't be anytime soon. Still, sometimes it is all I can do to keep myself from lecturing and proselytizing on the subject.

PS: To all of those people in my past that were subjected to my smoking -- my deepest apologies!

Coke Zero

Have you seen the newest line of product from Coke lately? It is a new product called Coke Zero. The name means zero carbs, calories, sugar, or pretty much everything else. In other words, nutritionally empty flavored water.

Not that I'm saying that regular Coke Classic is nutritionally full. But there is something there, even if it is just sugar. And if you are like me and find yourself flagging after lots of work in the yard, a coke classic is perfect to get you up to speed before you collapse!

I was turned onto this drink by a good friend, and I've come to really like it. Unlike other diet sodas I've tried, Zero actually tastes like the original product. It's the same artificial sweeteners as the other diets, but somehow they've blended it to taste real.

It's too bad that it looks to be short lived. When I first started buying it, there seemed plenty to find in the grocery store. but over the past few months it's shelf space has been seriously shrinking. The half-liter 6-pack bottle I usually buy has gone from 12-15 spots on the shelf to a mere 3 6-packs when fully stocked on the shelves. It won't be long before it is only available in cans, and then it can only be found as overstock at a Big Lots store!

That's too bad. Finally a diet product that appeals to people like me and it is short lived!

Film Festival Date Change

I found out last night that the NC Gay & Lesbian Film Festival date has changed. The new date is August 23-26, one week later than it's usual mid-August. The Carolina Theater in downtown Durham, plus some of the surrounding buildings are going through some construction this summer. Although the construction is scheduled to be completed by August 3, the festival organizers decided not to chance it and instead postponed for one week.


This is the 12th year for the festival, and it just keeps getting bigger each year. As always, I am looking forward to it, since it is one of the biggest gay events for our area. This will be my 4th time attending, of which I blogged about in 2004 and 2005 (I missed blogging 2006...I was in transition!).

If you like movies, festivals, or just meeting lots of fun gay people, mark your calendars now!

Empire

I recently completed the book Empire by Orson Scott Card. It was an enjoyable reading (actually listening as I downloaded it from Audible).

The book has an interesting tale about a civil war breaking out in the U.S. between the ultra-left and ultra-right wings. After having listened to Orson Scott Card in a podcast interview with Glenn Reynolds and having enjoyed his prior Ender books, I was looking forward to the story.

As I said, I enjoyed the story. My only complaint is that I had trouble "believing" parts of the story, albeit those parts were of the action scenes, not the story line. For instance in one chapter, our heroes each get up extra early one morning in D.C. and and figure "Well, we're up so lets go see ground zero in NYC." They get there, nobody is to be seen, and suddenly they are at the epicenter of the action. It felt contrived. But after that, I decided to just relax and let the story unfold however it was written.

The plot of a civil war though was much more believable. Granted at first I found most of it ringing completely false. Especially when the Army General starting spouting off sounding like our local talk radio spittle-master (whom I can't stand, and have blogged on before).

But as I continued into the book, and especially after Orson prologue, it doesn't seem so far fetched. I am seeing a lot of examples of just how escalated emotions are becoming. Already mentioned is the spittle-master who talks as though he were teaching a madrasa (substitute the word liberal for infidel and they are interchangeable).

Then there was the meetup.com gathering of gay professionals when the conversation turned to politics (never a good turn of events). It didn't take long before enthusiastic talk about murdering the republican president started flying around the table.

These are not isolate incidents. They are happening all across the country by the extremes on both sides. And, as the book points out, they are being mainstreamed by politicians looking for advantages. Witness Hillary.

In any event, the book was enjoyable, although I would not put it in the same class of quality as the Ender novels. It is relatively short, fast paced, provides enough material to cause you to engage some gray matter, and is fun. I would definitely recommend it for summer reading.

Sodium Bicarbonate

Okay, consider this a lesson learned. It all comes down to the packaging when a consumer is purchasing a commodity. In this case the commodity is sodium bicarbonate.

Last week the motor to the pool was finally repaired and I was able to get to work at bring the pool under control. In the 3 weeks it took for it to be fixed, the water had turned a decidedly fluorescent green, as you can see in this picture!

After testing the water, I found it measured very low on alkalinity, about 30 ppm when it should be over 120-150 ppm. I think the oak leaves must raise the acidity a lot because this happens every spring! Anyway, I guestimated I needed about 40 pounds of "alkalinity up" product to bring it up to the proper level. Having 10-11 pounds on hand, I visited Lowes and bought another 24 pounds. It sold in 12# boxes and averaged out to about $1.16/pound.

Knowing I could buy it in larger quantities than 12#, I called the local pool supply store. The largest they had was 10# and it averaged $1.60/pound. Yikes, it's going up!

But what is the "alkalinity up" product? It's just plain old sodium bicarbonate. Otherwise known as baking soda, like that Arm & Hammer box you put into the fridge. And how much does that cost at the grocery store? For a 1# Arm & Hammer is was $0.69, and if I went with the store brand it was just $0.59 a pound.

What this lesson for me really proves is that when a product is intended to be used on a pool (this also applies to boat owners), the price is automatically doubled. And the marketing and packaging is everything in pricing for a commodity. Meantime, next year I'll purchase it at the local super market!

Need Practice

I guess I still need some practice at flipping eggs. Sunday morning I decided I wanted eggs for breakfast, so I fired up my brand new non-stick pan. Melt a small pat of butter, slip in the eggs and just a dash of salt and pepper and let them cook for a minute.

Okay, they are looking just right, and I go to flip them in the pan to turn them over. Now, since I am still new to this I do it over the sink. That turned out to be both my saving grace and a curse. As I was pushing the pan forward to get a good slide, the pan hit the faucet head, the eggs slid out, and plop! right into the sink!

Luckily for me, I had instant oatmeal in the cupboard!

(This looks to be my first food post since staring the new blog ... but stay tuned for more recipes and food subjects in the future!)